Stroggo's E3 Roundup: Part Deux

Jesus Christ they made the monkey a 'Gangsta'

John (stroggo)

14 Jun 2017

SAME SHIT DIFFERENT PUBLISHERS

And we're back again for another round of executives attempting to get crowds excited about games they had no personal involvement with and don't understand!

Sony

sony e3 2017Sony has always been the 'big prick' of E3 since they laid the smackdown on Sega with the original PlayStation. It's not to say they haven't had their share of fuckups but for the most part Sony have traditionally been the tentpole holding up this whole circus. Sony has already gotten their whole let's re-release our console out of their system already but still had a few gimmicks on show. First is the 'Playlink' a phone app that turns your mobile ball and chain into a crude controller, and will let you play Buzz and Stars in their Eyes with other randoms you don't give a fuck about. Shadow of the Colossus and Skyrim are getting re-releases with the latter snagging VR support and I'm sure there was some other crap too but it was 2:00am, and I had shit to do today! Errr what else, that game with robot dinosaurs is getting frozen robot dinosaurs, theirs a post-apocalyptic something or other, oh and Monster Hunter World is coming to PC... Well fuck me sideways that wasn't something I expected to hear, and almost made staying up for this conference worth it almost.

 

Ubisoft

Ubisoft E3 2017Lotta noise outa Ubisoft this year, with the standout news being Beyond Good and Evil 2, and the not standout being another year of open world Ubishit. let's kick off with the space monkey, BGE2 is actually a prequel to the first game (boy they missed a trick not calling it Before Good and Evil) and despite having a slick trailer I still have 2 troubling niggles. The major one is the emphasis on 'seamless multiplayer' those fucking French dogs at Ubi have been pushing harder and harder for multiplayer only content and I get it people are stealing your shit whoopdy fucking doo! The problem is that I can't think of *any* other series in their catalog that least needs a multiplayer, the whole thing reeks of meddling with what should be a straightforward action/platformer. As I mentioned the rest of the Ubi presentation was the usual shit they've been pumping out with the exception of a Nintendo crossover, and the Assassins Creed Black Flag team making another game about boats.

 

Nintendo

Nintendo e3Ahhh Nintendo is one of those companies I'll never truly understand, I put it down to my complete and utter lack of parasitic nostalgia they've gathered which has let them walk away from some truly colossal flops so what were they pushing this year? Well, their's an adorable looking Kirby game, a new Mario title where he has a fucking hat, some shit about Yoshi, Zelda DLC Oh and theirs two new Metroid games including Metroid Prime 4!!! WHATS THIS! Nintendo has doubled down and admitted their mistakes with Metroid: Other-M, returning the development to Retro Studios and throwing away all that ADHD blast-fu nonsense the jiggle-physics guys pushed from their anuses? This doesn't sound like Nintendo at all!

Oh, wait, it's being made by a completely new dev team helmed by the prick who tanked the franchise, and instead of gameplay footage all they had to show was some 3D assets and a squishy toy... That sounds exactly like Nintendo...

squishy metroid

 

Come back tomorrow for more E3 coverage and abject shouting, if I haven't died in my sleep that is.

Note: Bethesda finally released some gameplay footage for The Evil Within II, monster and level design look better than before but still no word on the plot.